Mr. Haneke has been designing his face off since the age of 21, but there comes a time in every great man’s life when he must slow down, trade the suit for a Hawaiian shirt and start enjoying happy hour and all you can eat shrimp at the Crab Shack on Gandy. With greyhound racing recently outlawed in the state of FL, he’s decided to reinvest the time he used to spend at Derby Lane in his new vintage camera business. He’s working on an app in the evenings that puts vintage filters on your vintage filters...and he’s confident it’s gonna make more than he ever did betting on lucky dog number 6.
Cleaver of Code
Ever wonder if that really smart software engineer you know might just happen to be a serial killer on the weekends? Yeah...us too. He claims to really like food and Japan, hence all the fancy Japanese knives sitting in his desk drawer, but the meat cleaver just seems so...unnecessary. Lucky for us, no Haneke employees have ever disappeared during a late- night session at the office cranking out the finishing touches before a push to production.
Jason grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. After getting stabbed 9 times by his third baby mamma, he knew it was time for a change. He swore off his gun running ways and started life as a tattooist. After inking premier artists like Eminem, FloRida, and the late, great Tupac, he turned his drawing talents to digital art because while ink fades, our work is guaranteed to last until at least the next iPhone upgrade. He can usually be found walking his pit bull Sally during his lunch break downtown.
Bare Knuckle Bootlegger
Scott comes from a long line of project managers. His great-grandfather managed a large rum running operation in Ybor, the remnants of which (much to the family’s dismay) are now known as “the Castle”. His father ran one of Tampa’s largest cigar factories, the remnants of which are now owned by the Church of Scientology. Scott had enough of organizing vice only to lose it to other vices, so he decided to manage some projects that could help the world and build apps with us at Haneke.
Bavarian Mountain Goat Expert
When not pushing our team to push more pixels, Adam spends his summers wandering the Bavarian Alps in search of pretzels, mountain goats, and the ever elusive Paulaner Oktoberfest brew. He used to disappear for weeks on end to his small chalet tucked away in the town of Ainring outside of Salzburg, backing up our deliverables until he resurfaced. Now that there’s a Hofbrau Haus in St. Pete, we can usually count on him to show up on Monday mornings.
Princess in Pink
Alanna joined the team a few years ago fresh off the socialite circuit in glitzy New York City. Weekends in the Hamptons and happy hours with the Kennedy clan just couldn’t hold her attention quite like the thrill of pushing our clients’ messages. We try to keep her entertained with the swag we pick up at conferences, but the occasional Tiffany’s Xmas bonus and the endless three martini lunches are really why she’s here. She’s currently working on making Jody “instafamous” but it’s hard to make Hawaiian shirts go viral.
First there was Bobby Fischer, and then there was Joe. Joe grew up watching computers slaughter his chess heroes and became convinced that if he couldn’t beat the machine, he’d build the machines. He secretly worked on the Google AI project to beat a Chinese Master at the game of Go, and joined Haneke because, frankly, beating humans at board games got a bit boring. Now, he manages our most technical and top-secret projects, like the money counter we’ve been making for a certain Tampa “He Who Must Not Be Named” billionaire.
Jorts, Joints, and a Flat Jerry Curl
Daniel is a penny board riding reformed Hells Angel, and heinous shirt wearing badass of a designer who has only really stuck around FL for so long because we’re finally, finally on the brink of legalizing recreational cannabis use. Don’t worry, he’s a creative, so all that Mary Jane just “fuels the creative juices man.” He keeps pitching a Linkedin for potheads at our weekly staff meetings, but we’ve yet to be convinced he’ll work on anything else if we let him start designing something with the primary color green.
Deadly Hax0r V2
Simply put: Don’t mess with Minho. He’s quiet most of the time but tap him on the shoulder when he’s deep in work, and you’ll pull back half a hand. He’ll still have said nothing. He recently took a 6-month sabbatical to study under Chuck Norris and master the ancient meditation technique CalmaDownaJody This mysterious ancient ritual involves writing as much code as humanly possible while in a state of total relaxation, compiling it all in a deep trance, and praying to your ancestors that it runs like it was designed.
Picasso of Puzzles
Daniel is our resident problem solver. When not architecting complex data models or hacking away on some newfangled prototype, he’s generally pouring his energy into antiquated board games that no one else knows how to play. Most nerds geek out on Settlers of Catan. Daniel invented it. 1000-piece puzzles...child’s play. He’s currently working on a 50,000 piecer. Don’t even get us started on the Lego collection. We actually had to ban anything resembling a block from the office as big boy toys were putting a dent in his billability.
The Sportsman's Sportsman
Ever met the spawn of an Italian goat farmer and a backwoods Tennessee moonshine maiden? Enter Sam. He used to hunt with guns, but he felt he had an unfair advantage over anything without antlers. He’s subsequently reverted to the compound bow and bowie knife combo. Often clad in camo and a connoisseur of fine fire water, we can count on him to bring a fresh leg of wild boar and a jug of rocket fuel to every office party. When not off gallivanting in the wilderness or crafting flawless interfaces, Sam is usually making homemade pasta and needle pointing.
Goddess of Creativity
Every rag tag bunch of lunatics and miscreants needs a wise and kind muse, someone comfortable in the ways of ancient creativity, like those that have existed long before our lives were dominated by Steve Jobs. Rachel is that calming force. She keeps the wheels on the bus spinning by organizing all things Haneke and Haneke HQ with a touch of class and a never- ending supply of K-Cups. When not keeping us all from killing each other, she can be found painting a mix of neoclassical realist and abstract expressionist works in her home studio.
Moon Landing Truther
Do you want to know why Tesla is having so many problems, and SpaceX has yet to get to the moon? Because Don works for Haneke and not Elon. Some kids dream of growing up to be astronauts…and some old people dream of retiring to Florida. Well, Don decided to skip all that pining, master the arts of aeronautical science and gator wrestling...and manage our production process on the side. When not pulling all the strings to make moon dust land on Haneke, he works on his private spacecraft in hopes of proving that if he can’t make it to the moon...no one ever did.
From Panhandling to Pixels
Ever see a homeless guy strumming a guitar at the on-ramp of 275 and Dale Mabry and wonder “What life choices landed him here?” If that guy happens to look like Mark...well, it’s Mark. Jody found him on the side of the road strumming a guitar, wearing a ridiculous straw hat, and he thought “If this guy can play Backstreet’s Back with that much soul, I bet we can teach him how to code.” Sure enough, he’s rapidly climbed the ranks to become one of our top developers. We still struggle to convince him that wearing shoes is necessary and he doesn’t actually need to panhandle anymore, but we’re all works in progress.
Best Calves in the Game
Three-time world cyclocross champion on the weekends and code slinger Monday through Friday, Cory is as at home in bike shorts on a mountain as he is at a standing desk behind a Macbook pro at Haneke Design HQ. After a long recruitment process, our Director of Development, Jesse Curry, convinced him that eventually his knees would wear out before he got carpal tunnel. Don’t worry about weekend crashes bruising his knuckles, Jody took out a fat insurance policy on all the hands at Haneke years ago.
From Print Man to Pixel Boy
Brad comes from a long line of newspaper men. His great-great-great daddy coined the term: “All the News That’s Fit to Print” for the New York Times, and we’re pretty sure Rupert Murdoch was at his wedding. But at a young age, Brad saw the writing on the screen and realized that WordPress was going to supplant the papers his family had been printing for generations. Like his forefathers, he mastered the modern printing press and has yet to face a content problem that can’t be solved with a dapper bow tie and a neat glass of Whisky.
The Timeless Classic
Lee says that good design is timeless, the perfect font pairing never ages, and a well kerned page can live forever. He brings his love of questionable jazz classics, vintage overpriced motorcycles, and black jeans on black t-shirt on black denim jacket to everything he creates. If you see something online or in the app store and think, “Wow, that looks like the spawn of Frank Lloyd Wright and David Bowie,” it probably is because that’s Lee. He studied under Prince, worked alongside Mick Jagger, and found a home at Haneke.
When we asked our team to put on their Sunday best for this photo shoot, Julius showed up in his pajamas clutching his wooden teddy bear. Yes...he sleeps in that jersey. Since the age of 5, he’s wanted to play for the Baltimore Orioles. And if it wasn’t for a few choice words with Cal Ripken Jr. during camp in 1991, we’d probably never have been blessed with his presence. After leaving his baseball career behind, Julius just couldn’t put down the bat. It’s a good thing for us, because if Jesse ever goes wild with the cleaver and Minho is in a trance...Julius’ bat is on hand.
Pixie Manic Facebook Girl
There are “digital natives”, those who grew up glued to Facebook, double fisting iPhones, and then there is Pixie Manic Facebook girl. At the age of 5, she had every color in the Apple iMac series. At 7, she was hacking MySpace, at 11 she maxed out her Friendster account, and she bought a Harvard email address on the dark web to get on Facebook before it rolled out to her high school. If it’s social, and it’s on the internet, she’s there. When not posting, tweeting, instastorying, snapping, or whatever else the kids do these days, she studies classic disco at USF.
Our Toothless Warrior
Every good hockey team needs a goon - the guy you send in when the going gets tough and all there’s left to do is lose a few teeth in the name of glory. Lucas is our goon. He’s not met a problem he can’t solve by bashing his forehead against his computer monitor. The rest of the development team is consistently in awe of how literal brute force can fix even the trickiest of bugs. So, how’d he lose that tooth? Well...he showed up at Hattricks wearing the wrong jersey on a Friday night when Jesse wasn’t in the best of moods.
The Rain Main
There are mental calculators, guys who can count cards and such, and then there's $cott. Bitcoin fans speculate over who the founder, Satoshi Nakamoto was. We don’t. We know. After a brief stint in Moscow working for some unsavory Russian characters, he disappeared for a few years (rumor is North Korea), only to resurface in sunny Tampa. One too many bitcoins and cyber bounties to his name, Haneke Design was finally a chance at a quiet life. He probably won’t say anything in your next client meeting but ask him what 248x475 is and stand back.
Kevin started his career off in puppets. Just like software, every great puppet goes through countless rounds of testing to ensure its quality and standards are ready for the prime time. Kermit? Tested by Kevin. Elmo? Kevin. He even did a stint in the Barney suit when the Barney guy had to call in sick one day. When the developers of Angry Birds were looking for a guy who could talk with his mouth closed and understand the design principles behind flying creatures, he made the jump to Software QA and joined Haneke shortly thereafter.